Melancholy Blue

Meet Melancholy Blue

In the process of self discovery over the past number of years, one of the most interesting things I've learned through the Enneagram is that the gift and essence of a 4 is JOY!  Who knew? I've often looked at that list of the Gifts of the Spirit and thought, "JOY?  Really?"

I've been angry most of my life.  A long time ago, when my second husband and I went to counseling, I was told that I was "hostile". ME?? Yes - deep inside, I knew it.  But the last couple of years have shown me that underneath the hostility and anger, deep inside is grief, sadness. It's much easier for me to go to anger than it is to allow the grief and sadness to come. Much better to blow the top than to cry the tears.

4's on the Enneagram tend to "melancholy". I've wondered about that because I haven't really suffered depression - just, you know, moments of sadness.  Recently I heard Victor Hugo's quote: “Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad.” Susan Sontag writes, "Depression is melancholy minus its charm". That's so helped me understand melancholy, and yes, I agree, that's what it is for me - a sweet sadness. And, kind of like sugar, it can be addictive. Oscar Wilde wrote that melancholy had "marred many moments of joy".

I've been meditating on the Yoga Sutras, and have come across this quote by Nischala Joy Devi, "Yoga is the uniting of consciousness in the heart." The moment I saw that line last week, I knew that's what I wanted to do with this mask. Melancholy Blue is a mask I've worn most of my life, and it has "marred many moments of joy".

4's tend to live in the fantasies of the mind, and those fantastical mind stories are what stir up the emotions (energy in motion). Even though I'm a heart-centered person, I seldom emote from my heart. Instead, my small mind sends me into overdrive, whipping the emotions into a frenzy, and that's where I've lived from most of my life. Yoga has been pure gift to me, along with massage and body awareness, and now the Enneagram and sommatics. All of this has taught me to GROUND. To drop my small mind and it's stories into the body long enough to be still and feel the feelings that are in the body, not in my mind.

Cynthia Bourgeault writes that the heart is the seat of intelligence. That's where Big Mind, God, lives. Small mind sends the heart into a frenzy; the heart holding Big Mind allows time and space for joy to bubble up and be.

Melancholy Blue has her heart, passions, and emotions in her small box mind and its stories. And there's nothing where her heart is supposed to be.

But that's changing. It's shifting. And with practice, my heart will be able to hold Big Mind Consciousness. Watch out JOY - we're going to be fast friends! I'm doing the work.